Wednesday, March 24, 2010

London Calling

During my break, Keytar Rob's email account was hacked.  Everyone in his contact list got a message begging for immediate wiring of funds.  Naturally, I created a dummy account and goofed around with the scammers a bit.  I was, after all, on break.

Subject: Stuck
From: Not Keytar Rob
Thu, March 18, 2010 11:09:25 AM

How are you? Honestly I'm doing pretty awful. I'm visiting London for vacation and so far a lot of crap has been spewing.I got robbed by a gang of Lebanese at the train station last night,the
cold,wet,darkness didn't help things and everything I had on me including my wallet,passport and cell phone got stolen.It was a traumatic experience for me and you can't imagine how scared I was when it happened.I'm completely paranoid and all garbled in my mind right now and am just waiting for a miracle to happen.I've just been to the Consulate and luckily after standing in line for what seemed like hours,I got to a customs agent and she said they can issue a replacement passport so I don't have to be stuck here for weeks.I'm tight up here and need to clear my hotel bills so that my luggage can be released by the hotel management.I'm just wondering if you can help out by loaning me some money so that I can sort things out on time and catch a flight back home today,I promise to refund you as soon as I arrive home.
Pls get back to me Asap.

Not Keytar Rob
________________________________________

Subject: Re: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 12:49 PM

Rob,

Just got off the phone with the gang and heard that you'd been mugged on vacation.  Sorry that this is going to put the damper on the amazing party that we'd scheduled for Saturday but if you feel like you can't hang around, I totally understand.  We're about to head out to the airport to make it to Skinny's for the par-tay but wanted to know if we could swing by your apartment to take care of anything (CC cancellation numbers or anything).  I'm happy to help, let me know what I can do, brah.

-- jd

________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 12:55 PM

I'm having such a hard time here and I'm just about to get into a line up at the consulate in order to get my replacement passport stamped.It's been so embarrassing for me but I guess it's just this post-9/11 world we live in and the government lines that suck.I just need you to loan me 870 British pounds,that's equivalent to $1270.00,you can send it by going with cash to any Western Union location close to you or sending it online via the western union website.

Here is my information you need.

Name: Not Keytar Rob
Location: 27 Leicester Square, London. England
Zipcode is WC2H 7LA

I will need the pickup number which is also called the MTCN number to receive it here,and also let me know how much they charge in sending fees.I will refund you the full amount as soon as I arrive home.

I really appreciate it.

Not Keytar Rob
________________________________________

From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:01:53 -0700

No shit?  Hey, so that I can make this fly with the 'rents, can you give me more of an itemized breakdown for the $1300?  It'll be a tough sell unless I can let them know more specifically what it's going toward, you know?  By the way, they're pretty sorry that you got mugged.

So, other than getting mugged, how has the trip been?  I trust that you met up with that bird you'd been emailing.  Tell me you shagged her, brah.

When you get me an itemized list, I'll talk with the folks and get back to you ASAP.  Hold tight, Robbie, help is on the way.

-- jd

________________________________________

From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:17:50 -0700

Robbie,

Just spoke with the parents again since I've not heard back from you.  Hope all is OK.  I think they're game to send the money just wanted to know specifically what it's for.  They'd been on the phone with their bank transferring some stuff around, getting it ready to send over.  So, when you can, get back to me and we can probably have you home by the Sunday.

-- jd

________________________________________

RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 2:05 PM

Robbie,

Know you're probably swamped at the consulate but when you wrap up, get back to me ASAP.  Mom and Dad are heading out and wanted to stop by the Western Union prior to their show.

-- jd

________________________________________

From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:02:49 -0400

Ohk...I just got back from the Consulate and it was a big drag.Anyway, I'm still hoping to make
tonight's fight.How soon can I get the money? write me back asap.
________________________________________

RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 4:06 PM


Mom and dad were going to go ahead and book the return flight in your name; that way they can redeem some frequent customer miles for you.  And with Mom's connections at the airline, you'll likely be in first class.  How's that for big pimping, huh?  Now that you've got your replacement passport, it shouldn't be a problem for you to check in and board.

Also, which airline were you thinking so I can let them know?  (I'm assuming that you were planning on returning to JFK.)  I'm not sure when the last flight departs but it's probably rapidly approaching. 

So, unless we can get something worked out, you'll likely be overnighting it.  If you're staying at 27 Leicester Square, we can send a car for you in the morning.  Does this work?  It seems a little less complicated but, if necessary, we can still wire you the money; just wanted to get your thoughts.

Let me know what you're thinking or give me a call.

--jean

________________________________________

From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:10:13 -0400

Yikes. I've been holding up here waiting for the details to pick up the money.I've just been to the
health center t get some drugs,i also need to clear the hotel bill,can you get the money to my in the next 30 mins?
________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 4:27 PM

Sorry, man!  Guess that the shops are all closing; doesn't look like we'll get the money to you
tonight.  In the morning, though, perhaps we could send it to:

Eurochange
33 Coventry Street
London,  W1D 6BS
GBR

Also, you'll need to send me new total.  How much is it that you need?  840USD?

________________________________________

From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:42:59 -0400

Bummer!!! The problem now is that i don't have a hotel room for tonight and to make things even worse i got into misunderstanding with the hotel manager and he called the police on me and i got to know that Brits are vile animals.I'm going through hell here and am starting to feel sick- of writing back and forth,can you just try to send it online via the Western Union website.
I can pick the money at any Western Union location here by presenting my id,i'm really counting on you now,all I need is 870 pounds.
________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 4:53 PM

Sorry, brah.  Try to stay positive and think of being back in my loving arms.

Did you mention to the consulate that you were having these problems?  If not, I'll contact them;
they're able to step in and offer some diplomatic assistance in situations like these.  Also, if you
get thrown in jail, try not to make too many friends or too much money!  You know how it turned out when you got pinched for public drunkenness last year.  Shit, how many numbers, did you get?  Am I right?  Am I right?

Dad's on the phone with the gang at his law firm and is contacting the London office.  Let me know where you're at and he'll have a rep over there shortly to bail you out and take care of everything.  At the very least, they'll take a look at you to be sure you're not being roughed up or anything.  Also, I think that he's been talking to the hometown paper (Joey's aunt works there) and they're working on a story about the ordeal you're having.

Stay strong.  Send me your whereabouts.

-- jd

________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 4:45 AM

Do you understand that I'm stuck and stranded here, try to get the money to me in the Morning.
________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 6:50 AM

Sweet mother of all things holy!  Robbie, everyone has been worried sick about you.  Where are you?  Are you in jail?  Did you work things out with the hotel?  What color knickers are you wearing?  Sorry, you know it's our inside joke.  Thought it might cheer you up a bit.

By the way, I'm sure that you're just tired and cranky but your grammar and punctuation has gone to hell; you must be really stressed!

Also, and I know this is the last thing on your mind, but did you get a chance to see Mr. Robert
Pattinson at the premier?  Does his skin sparkle in real life?  Does he smell of lilacs like we
discussed in the hot tub?

Get back to me, quick, and we'll send the car for you.

--jd

________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 6:59 AM

Oy! I don't understand what is going on now.I'm getting really pissed with this whole thing.Just go to a WU agent and send me some money now.I don't need a car sent to me now.

Robbie
________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 7:19 AM

I can understand you're pissed!  Sorry about your frustration.  Try to imagine yourself on Team Edward and you should calm down a little.  Here's your mantra: sparkles and lilac, sparkles and lilac, sparkles and lilac.  Say it a few times and you're sure to calm down.

You'll never believe what's happened!  We just got invited to go to a birthday party at the kids next door!  They've got a moonwalk and ponies!  Should be amazing!  I'm taking all five of our cats with me!  It'll be purrrrfect!  LOL!

Sorry about the confusion.  Airline ticket is booked and car is headed to L Square.  Dad was saying that Walmart is probably cheaper and more convenient for transfers.  Plus, you know how he's against unions.  Can you get to a Walmart?

--jd

________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 8:06 AM

Alright, that's fine. Go ahead and send via Moneygram,Walmart.I'm not trying to pass blame or guilt to clear my mind it's just that I'm really frantic and nervous and am starting to feel a bit "out of sorts".I'll really appreciate it if you can reply with the Reference # I need to pick up money at the Walmart desk here.

Best,

Rob
________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 8:32 AM

Well, this is just classic!  Dad just came in while I was emailing you and found all those old pictures of us on my computer!  Thought he was going to kill me!  I told him that it wasn't what it seemed like but he was sooo angry!  He started yelling and throwing stuff around.  He ripped apart that giant stuffed bear that you won for me at the fair and my signed "Jersey Shore" poster that you got for me.  I could punch him for that.  I'm crying so much that I can hardly see the keybrdoa.  My cats won't even come to me.  What should I do, Robbie?

I think that I'm going to be grounded for a long, long time.  Now, they're saying that they're going to cancel the flight for you!  What can I tell them, Robbie?  What can I tell them?  You know my Dad, how can I get him to change his mind?  He said that after seeing that picture of you and the muffler, he's not going to Walmart until he knows what's going on with us.  Tell me what to tell him.  I need you back here sooo badly.

I'm sooooo upset.  I knew I shouldn't have taken pictures of us snorkeling.  What's wrong with me?  My heart is breaking.

-- jd
End of transmission.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Home

Spent a great week at home in my city, in my bed, with my wife.  I slept late, didn't do a damned thing, and failed to turn in any productive study time.  As a result, my return to school has been fraught with the same depression and panic as every other time that I go home and then return.  Five tests to go this week.  Yippee.

By the way, I love this car that's always parked by a gas station back home.  Homemade vanity plate made from mailbox stickers from your local hardware store.  Yep, that's keeping it real;  ATL style. 

 

Friday, March 12, 2010

Once Again, Anatomy Lab is the Coolest

(Or "Just Go Ahead and Stop Reading If You're Queasy")

So, we've finally made it to the "Head and Neck" unit of our anatomy course.  A couple of weeks ago, we wrapped up the "Lower Limb" section and moved up to the head.  By the end of lab that day, I'd scalped a person, removed the skin from the face, and examined facial muscles, nerves, and vessels.  Again, it's pretty damned amazing how our bodies are put together.  You'd be awed by what simply surrounds the eye and allows you to blink or squint.

This week, however, entailed cleaning up the dissection table and moving everything we'd previously dissected to the collection bin, and yielded a work station with only a head and neck and a few tools.
For the record, it isn't the easiest thing (either psychologically or physically) to use a hacksaw to remove a head and neck from the thorax.  To add to that, I'll  say that if you're the one holding the head while members of your dissection team clean the workstation, your forearms will get a little sore and fatigued after about fifteen minutes.  For the next few days, this soreness will be a macabre reminder that you have racked up experiences that few others have.

Scarecrow
The part of the semester is the beginning of the point where Gross Anatomy and Neuroscience converge.  As we ready for our brain dissections, we harvested the brains from a few of the cadavers.  During lunch hour, several of us hustled to the lab and removed a few.  All I can say is that this was an unbelievably amazing experience. 

One starts by putting a rubber band around the skull as a guide, making a scalpel cut through the soft tissue down to the bone, and using a cast saw to make a cut around the circumference. If you've been to the dentist and had a filling, you probably remember the smell that goes along with having a tooth drilled; it is the same odor that accompanies sawing through a skull.  During spin class several hours later, I discovered that it is, quite literally, a scent that stays with you; all I could smell was the familiar burning bone smell.  No amount of blowing my nose or flushing it made it go away. It was, for a day or so, part of me.

After the saw cut is complete, you pry off the skull cap which is a hell of a lot harder than you'd think.  The dura that covers the brain and spinal cord is far more resilient than I imagined.  After pulling and prying and cutting and praying and pleading, the cap just sort of pulls off and you're staring at the top of the brain.  Then, you take an especially long scalpel, make several cuts including some relatively blind ones at the brainstem, and sort of roll the brain out of the skull and into your hands.

And shortly thereafter, you realize that, in your hands, in your very own hands, you are holding a human brain: the epicenter of motion, of bodily control, of emotion, of knowledge, of memory.  And, you realize that words fail to capture what an awesome and emotional experience it is to have just done what you've done, to hold what you're holding, to be so intimately connected with a perfect stranger who made you the recipient of the gift of their body.  Time stops and you go inward to your own history and your own unwritten future.  Could you be so selfless?  Could you be such a teacher?  Where do we go when this machine shuts down?  In the blink of an eye, you're back in the present and you turn to a fellow awe-struck student and carefully, tenderly place the brain in their hands.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Just a Little More...

Spring break is about 48 hours away and I can taste it, can feel it tearing me away from my books, can feel it softly whispering "Screw it, leave it alone" into my ear.  Two nights from now, I'll have my ass on a plane back to ATL.  Let me tell you: I cannot wait; I cannot wait have my feet on the red Georgia clay, to wake in the same bed with my wife, to lay on a couch with my dog.  Bliss, here I come.