Friday, June 11, 2010

If You Look Too Far Ahead, You'll Trip Over What's Right Before You

On a short study break but thought I'd recount today's hilarity (so far):

Today, I have three finals:  Genetics, Medical Spanish, and a big ol' Path exam.  I rocked the Genetics one.  For the record, I have a degree in Spanish which makes me feel pretty good about my proficiency. My hubris has been increased by the fact that an overwhelming majority of my classmates are beginning speakers.  I quickly completed my Spanish exam, handed it in, and triumphantly strutted from the room to join my peers in the lobby in post-exam bliss. 
"Congrats on being done," I offered.
"Thanks, man.  You too."
"How'd it go?," I asked.
"Pretty well. I thought that one matching section was a little tough."
Silence.
"What matching section?," I asked.
"The one right before the anatomy terms."
"Come again?," I asked.
"The anatomy terms," he repeated.
"How many versions of the test were there?"
"Just one," he said.
"How many questions were on it?"
"Fifty."
More silence.
"I only did 30; I gotta go," I said as I literally dropped all of my stuff and walked away.
I tore back into the room, quickly explained the depths of my idiocy to the proctor, and did the remaining portion of my exam in five minutes.

Here's hoping that I'm more careful on the keystone exam of the day.

Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Worth a Thousand Words...

Three days left in the semester and, after, a little freedom* for a few weeks.  Meanwhile, I found another great visual metaphor for med school.



It never gets old.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

It Takes an Ocean Not to Break

So, the afterglow of finals was ridiculously short-lived.  A few celebratory drinks were hoisted.  Then, it was off to the races to get to Valdosta, GA for Crazy Greg's (and, by marriage, "Crazy" Meg's) wedding.  Road construction had me miss the red-eye out on Friday night.  After taking the first-flight out on Saturday, I landed in ATL, dove into the car Winning Run had waiting, and sped toward south Georgia.  I arrived with enough time to put on my tux and rush to join the wedding party.  Seattle to Valdosta, GA with thirteen minutes to spare.  That's cutting it too close for comfort.

After the wedding, we hauled back to ATL.  I slept in my bed with my wife for a few hours before hopping a plane back to WA to begin the summer semester.  Now, I'm thoroughly embedded in the work of a few new classes and some remediation work for a few of the old ones.  And, for some reason, I thought that this semester might be a little more relaxing.  Evidently not.

To top off it all off, I came down with a horrible stomach flu shortly after arriving: up at 3am with projectile emissions from both ends for a few days.  Ah, what could be better?

Between all of the running around and stress and loose ends that I'm trying to tie, I've not had a true chance to reflect on the goings on from the year.  When the dust settles, if the dust settles, I share my thoughts.  Until then, some good news:  Winning Run was offered (and accepted) a job at her top choice of Seattle firms.  I'm really proud of her, my rock.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Ahhhh...

Yep, that's about right.

Now, for some celebratory libations and sleep before hopping a plane to GA for Crazy Greg's nuptials.

Well, That's a First....

Three finals left this morning and they're the biggies:
Physiology
Pathology
Gross Anatomy

Last night, got to bed around 1am.  Up at 4 to shower and make the final push. 

So effing stressed about these tests that, five minutes ago, I ran to the bathroom to wretch in the toilet.  WTF?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Living on Coffee and Flowers

Finals are in full effect.  So far this week, I've spent roughly 15 total hours at my apartment.  Rising around 5am, hitting the rack somewhere between 1am and 2am, and spending the hours between buried in books is taxing at the very least.  It sucks.  I'm exhausted.  I've miles to go before tomorrow's exams (and the remaining ones this afternoon).  This shit is medical school, is the best.

From "Conversation 16" by The National:
I think the kids are in trouble
Do not know what all the troubles are for
Give them ice for their fevers
You're the only thing I ever want anymore
Live on coffee and flowers
Try not to wonder what the weather will be
I figured out what we're missing
Tell you miserable things after you are asleep

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Standing

Another day, I’ll sleep in a lonely, empty bed.  I won’t hear anyone breathing next to me, won’t move the covers to escape their body heat.  In the morning, I’ll wake at a ridiculous hour and will lumber unsteadily into the shower and let the warm water rouse me.  Standing in the kitchen alone, I’ll drink black coffee and eat eggs on toast.  The only sounds I’ll make will be the rattle of the dish in the metal sink, the resonance of the fork skipping around.  Before turning toward my desk, I'll take another long look out the kitchen window at the gray, wintry sky.  Perfectly, it displays how I feel: vast, uniformly barren, cold.

Still, I’ll take another sip of coffee, shrug my shoulders and sigh to slough off the loneliness, and bear down on another difficult day.  I do this for me.  I do this for us.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Green Team!

This past Tuesday, my plans to organize everyone on my side of the room to wear green paid off.  Like the last few weeks, my buddy and I wore the same thing.  This time, however, everyone surrounding us wore green shirts also.  It was pretty cool.
Then, people started commenting on how cool it was that I'd duped everyone into wearing green on 4/20, the holiest of stoner holidays.  I got a pit in my stomach and constantly tried to reassure everyone that, really, that wasn't the plan.  Hell, since January, I've not really been aware of the date more than once or twice.  I know what "day" it is by what classes I have.  Dates, not so important to me at the moment. 
In one lecture, our prof took a moment to eye us and ask about the occasion for our unity before making a 420 reference. So, in addition to struggling academically with some of my classes, I'm sure the faculty are aware that I was the one who inadvertently organized a dress-up day for 420.  Great.  Perfect.  Grand.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Fashion Police

Guess I realized today that I've been mailing it in when, for the third Tuesday in a row, I've worn the exact same thing as the guy who sits next to me.  Keep in mind that these aren't scrubs that I'm talking about, these are our civilian clothes that we wear once a week.  Khakis and an olive button-up shirt.  Guess we're not reaching too far back in the closet for something different.  Based on how wrinkled we looked, I'd say that each time we get home, the clothes go right onto a hanger until the next Tuesday. 

I've attempted to organize everyone who sits nearby to wear the same damned thing as us next week.  That way, my idiocy can spread.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

London Calling

During my break, Keytar Rob's email account was hacked.  Everyone in his contact list got a message begging for immediate wiring of funds.  Naturally, I created a dummy account and goofed around with the scammers a bit.  I was, after all, on break.

Subject: Stuck
From: Not Keytar Rob
Thu, March 18, 2010 11:09:25 AM

How are you? Honestly I'm doing pretty awful. I'm visiting London for vacation and so far a lot of crap has been spewing.I got robbed by a gang of Lebanese at the train station last night,the
cold,wet,darkness didn't help things and everything I had on me including my wallet,passport and cell phone got stolen.It was a traumatic experience for me and you can't imagine how scared I was when it happened.I'm completely paranoid and all garbled in my mind right now and am just waiting for a miracle to happen.I've just been to the Consulate and luckily after standing in line for what seemed like hours,I got to a customs agent and she said they can issue a replacement passport so I don't have to be stuck here for weeks.I'm tight up here and need to clear my hotel bills so that my luggage can be released by the hotel management.I'm just wondering if you can help out by loaning me some money so that I can sort things out on time and catch a flight back home today,I promise to refund you as soon as I arrive home.
Pls get back to me Asap.

Not Keytar Rob
________________________________________

Subject: Re: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 12:49 PM

Rob,

Just got off the phone with the gang and heard that you'd been mugged on vacation.  Sorry that this is going to put the damper on the amazing party that we'd scheduled for Saturday but if you feel like you can't hang around, I totally understand.  We're about to head out to the airport to make it to Skinny's for the par-tay but wanted to know if we could swing by your apartment to take care of anything (CC cancellation numbers or anything).  I'm happy to help, let me know what I can do, brah.

-- jd

________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 12:55 PM

I'm having such a hard time here and I'm just about to get into a line up at the consulate in order to get my replacement passport stamped.It's been so embarrassing for me but I guess it's just this post-9/11 world we live in and the government lines that suck.I just need you to loan me 870 British pounds,that's equivalent to $1270.00,you can send it by going with cash to any Western Union location close to you or sending it online via the western union website.

Here is my information you need.

Name: Not Keytar Rob
Location: 27 Leicester Square, London. England
Zipcode is WC2H 7LA

I will need the pickup number which is also called the MTCN number to receive it here,and also let me know how much they charge in sending fees.I will refund you the full amount as soon as I arrive home.

I really appreciate it.

Not Keytar Rob
________________________________________

From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:01:53 -0700

No shit?  Hey, so that I can make this fly with the 'rents, can you give me more of an itemized breakdown for the $1300?  It'll be a tough sell unless I can let them know more specifically what it's going toward, you know?  By the way, they're pretty sorry that you got mugged.

So, other than getting mugged, how has the trip been?  I trust that you met up with that bird you'd been emailing.  Tell me you shagged her, brah.

When you get me an itemized list, I'll talk with the folks and get back to you ASAP.  Hold tight, Robbie, help is on the way.

-- jd

________________________________________
 
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 13:17:50 -0700

Robbie,

Just spoke with the parents again since I've not heard back from you.  Hope all is OK.  I think they're game to send the money just wanted to know specifically what it's for.  They'd been on the phone with their bank transferring some stuff around, getting it ready to send over.  So, when you can, get back to me and we can probably have you home by the Sunday.

-- jd

________________________________________

RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 2:05 PM

Robbie,

Know you're probably swamped at the consulate but when you wrap up, get back to me ASAP.  Mom and Dad are heading out and wanted to stop by the Western Union prior to their show.

-- jd

________________________________________

From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 18:02:49 -0400

Ohk...I just got back from the Consulate and it was a big drag.Anyway, I'm still hoping to make
tonight's fight.How soon can I get the money? write me back asap.
________________________________________

RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 4:06 PM


Mom and dad were going to go ahead and book the return flight in your name; that way they can redeem some frequent customer miles for you.  And with Mom's connections at the airline, you'll likely be in first class.  How's that for big pimping, huh?  Now that you've got your replacement passport, it shouldn't be a problem for you to check in and board.

Also, which airline were you thinking so I can let them know?  (I'm assuming that you were planning on returning to JFK.)  I'm not sure when the last flight departs but it's probably rapidly approaching. 

So, unless we can get something worked out, you'll likely be overnighting it.  If you're staying at 27 Leicester Square, we can send a car for you in the morning.  Does this work?  It seems a little less complicated but, if necessary, we can still wire you the money; just wanted to get your thoughts.

Let me know what you're thinking or give me a call.

--jean

________________________________________

From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:10:13 -0400

Yikes. I've been holding up here waiting for the details to pick up the money.I've just been to the
health center t get some drugs,i also need to clear the hotel bill,can you get the money to my in the next 30 mins?
________________________________________
 
Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 4:27 PM

Sorry, man!  Guess that the shops are all closing; doesn't look like we'll get the money to you
tonight.  In the morning, though, perhaps we could send it to:

Eurochange
33 Coventry Street
London,  W1D 6BS
GBR

Also, you'll need to send me new total.  How much is it that you need?  840USD?

________________________________________

From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Subject: RE: Stuck
Date: Thu, 18 Mar 2010 19:42:59 -0400

Bummer!!! The problem now is that i don't have a hotel room for tonight and to make things even worse i got into misunderstanding with the hotel manager and he called the police on me and i got to know that Brits are vile animals.I'm going through hell here and am starting to feel sick- of writing back and forth,can you just try to send it online via the Western Union website.
I can pick the money at any Western Union location here by presenting my id,i'm really counting on you now,all I need is 870 pounds.
________________________________________
 
Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Thu 3/18/10 4:53 PM

Sorry, brah.  Try to stay positive and think of being back in my loving arms.

Did you mention to the consulate that you were having these problems?  If not, I'll contact them;
they're able to step in and offer some diplomatic assistance in situations like these.  Also, if you
get thrown in jail, try not to make too many friends or too much money!  You know how it turned out when you got pinched for public drunkenness last year.  Shit, how many numbers, did you get?  Am I right?  Am I right?

Dad's on the phone with the gang at his law firm and is contacting the London office.  Let me know where you're at and he'll have a rep over there shortly to bail you out and take care of everything.  At the very least, they'll take a look at you to be sure you're not being roughed up or anything.  Also, I think that he's been talking to the hometown paper (Joey's aunt works there) and they're working on a story about the ordeal you're having.

Stay strong.  Send me your whereabouts.

-- jd

________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 4:45 AM

Do you understand that I'm stuck and stranded here, try to get the money to me in the Morning.
________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 6:50 AM

Sweet mother of all things holy!  Robbie, everyone has been worried sick about you.  Where are you?  Are you in jail?  Did you work things out with the hotel?  What color knickers are you wearing?  Sorry, you know it's our inside joke.  Thought it might cheer you up a bit.

By the way, I'm sure that you're just tired and cranky but your grammar and punctuation has gone to hell; you must be really stressed!

Also, and I know this is the last thing on your mind, but did you get a chance to see Mr. Robert
Pattinson at the premier?  Does his skin sparkle in real life?  Does he smell of lilacs like we
discussed in the hot tub?

Get back to me, quick, and we'll send the car for you.

--jd

________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 6:59 AM

Oy! I don't understand what is going on now.I'm getting really pissed with this whole thing.Just go to a WU agent and send me some money now.I don't need a car sent to me now.

Robbie
________________________________________
 
Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 7:19 AM

I can understand you're pissed!  Sorry about your frustration.  Try to imagine yourself on Team Edward and you should calm down a little.  Here's your mantra: sparkles and lilac, sparkles and lilac, sparkles and lilac.  Say it a few times and you're sure to calm down.

You'll never believe what's happened!  We just got invited to go to a birthday party at the kids next door!  They've got a moonwalk and ponies!  Should be amazing!  I'm taking all five of our cats with me!  It'll be purrrrfect!  LOL!

Sorry about the confusion.  Airline ticket is booked and car is headed to L Square.  Dad was saying that Walmart is probably cheaper and more convenient for transfers.  Plus, you know how he's against unions.  Can you get to a Walmart?

--jd

________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Not Keytar Rob
To: Jean Deaux
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 8:06 AM

Alright, that's fine. Go ahead and send via Moneygram,Walmart.I'm not trying to pass blame or guilt to clear my mind it's just that I'm really frantic and nervous and am starting to feel a bit "out of sorts".I'll really appreciate it if you can reply with the Reference # I need to pick up money at the Walmart desk here.

Best,

Rob
________________________________________

Subject: RE: Stuck‏
From: Jean Deaux
To: Not Keytar Rob
Sent: Fri 3/19/10 8:32 AM

Well, this is just classic!  Dad just came in while I was emailing you and found all those old pictures of us on my computer!  Thought he was going to kill me!  I told him that it wasn't what it seemed like but he was sooo angry!  He started yelling and throwing stuff around.  He ripped apart that giant stuffed bear that you won for me at the fair and my signed "Jersey Shore" poster that you got for me.  I could punch him for that.  I'm crying so much that I can hardly see the keybrdoa.  My cats won't even come to me.  What should I do, Robbie?

I think that I'm going to be grounded for a long, long time.  Now, they're saying that they're going to cancel the flight for you!  What can I tell them, Robbie?  What can I tell them?  You know my Dad, how can I get him to change his mind?  He said that after seeing that picture of you and the muffler, he's not going to Walmart until he knows what's going on with us.  Tell me what to tell him.  I need you back here sooo badly.

I'm sooooo upset.  I knew I shouldn't have taken pictures of us snorkeling.  What's wrong with me?  My heart is breaking.

-- jd
End of transmission.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Home

Spent a great week at home in my city, in my bed, with my wife.  I slept late, didn't do a damned thing, and failed to turn in any productive study time.  As a result, my return to school has been fraught with the same depression and panic as every other time that I go home and then return.  Five tests to go this week.  Yippee.

By the way, I love this car that's always parked by a gas station back home.  Homemade vanity plate made from mailbox stickers from your local hardware store.  Yep, that's keeping it real;  ATL style. 

 

Friday, March 12, 2010

Once Again, Anatomy Lab is the Coolest

(Or "Just Go Ahead and Stop Reading If You're Queasy")

So, we've finally made it to the "Head and Neck" unit of our anatomy course.  A couple of weeks ago, we wrapped up the "Lower Limb" section and moved up to the head.  By the end of lab that day, I'd scalped a person, removed the skin from the face, and examined facial muscles, nerves, and vessels.  Again, it's pretty damned amazing how our bodies are put together.  You'd be awed by what simply surrounds the eye and allows you to blink or squint.

This week, however, entailed cleaning up the dissection table and moving everything we'd previously dissected to the collection bin, and yielded a work station with only a head and neck and a few tools.
For the record, it isn't the easiest thing (either psychologically or physically) to use a hacksaw to remove a head and neck from the thorax.  To add to that, I'll  say that if you're the one holding the head while members of your dissection team clean the workstation, your forearms will get a little sore and fatigued after about fifteen minutes.  For the next few days, this soreness will be a macabre reminder that you have racked up experiences that few others have.

Scarecrow
The part of the semester is the beginning of the point where Gross Anatomy and Neuroscience converge.  As we ready for our brain dissections, we harvested the brains from a few of the cadavers.  During lunch hour, several of us hustled to the lab and removed a few.  All I can say is that this was an unbelievably amazing experience. 

One starts by putting a rubber band around the skull as a guide, making a scalpel cut through the soft tissue down to the bone, and using a cast saw to make a cut around the circumference. If you've been to the dentist and had a filling, you probably remember the smell that goes along with having a tooth drilled; it is the same odor that accompanies sawing through a skull.  During spin class several hours later, I discovered that it is, quite literally, a scent that stays with you; all I could smell was the familiar burning bone smell.  No amount of blowing my nose or flushing it made it go away. It was, for a day or so, part of me.

After the saw cut is complete, you pry off the skull cap which is a hell of a lot harder than you'd think.  The dura that covers the brain and spinal cord is far more resilient than I imagined.  After pulling and prying and cutting and praying and pleading, the cap just sort of pulls off and you're staring at the top of the brain.  Then, you take an especially long scalpel, make several cuts including some relatively blind ones at the brainstem, and sort of roll the brain out of the skull and into your hands.

And shortly thereafter, you realize that, in your hands, in your very own hands, you are holding a human brain: the epicenter of motion, of bodily control, of emotion, of knowledge, of memory.  And, you realize that words fail to capture what an awesome and emotional experience it is to have just done what you've done, to hold what you're holding, to be so intimately connected with a perfect stranger who made you the recipient of the gift of their body.  Time stops and you go inward to your own history and your own unwritten future.  Could you be so selfless?  Could you be such a teacher?  Where do we go when this machine shuts down?  In the blink of an eye, you're back in the present and you turn to a fellow awe-struck student and carefully, tenderly place the brain in their hands.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Just a Little More...

Spring break is about 48 hours away and I can taste it, can feel it tearing me away from my books, can feel it softly whispering "Screw it, leave it alone" into my ear.  Two nights from now, I'll have my ass on a plane back to ATL.  Let me tell you: I cannot wait; I cannot wait have my feet on the red Georgia clay, to wake in the same bed with my wife, to lay on a couch with my dog.  Bliss, here I come.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Never Look to Chocolate For Help

Ask a Dove chocolate a question and, when you unwrap it, you just might have an answer!  Granted, that answer will be dialogue from a LifeTime Original movie but it will be inspirational in some bizarro world where chocolate is a therapist.  Regardless, here is a conversation I had with candy, in the form of an advice column.

Dear Dove Chocolate,
I'm really getting my ass handed to me by my studies.  Is there anything that I can do to improve?
-- Sincerely, The Scholar


Dear Dove Chocolate,
Thanks, but I'm not sure that you understand the writing style of my texts or my lack of time for pleasure reading.  Anyway, I guess I feel like I'm just not retaining things like I used to.  I'd appreciate any suggestions.
-- The Scholar 
 

Dear Dove Chocolate,
 I don't know; I definitely feel like I'm having to scrap for every little bit of knowledge that I'm gaining these days.  I'm just feeling burned out and like my self-confidence is really shaken.  Do you think what I'm doing is worth it?
-- The Scholar

Dear Dove Chocolate,
 Really?  I am?
-- The Scholar
 
 
 
Dear Dove Chocolate,
Okay, I feel pretty now; thanks.  But really, though, I'm getting thrashed by my courses.  Any strategies or other test-taking advice for me?
-- The Scholar
 

 
Dear Dove Chocolate,
Good one, Dove Chocolate.  Hope you're being funny because, clearly, "trusting my instincts" isn't working out so hot for me.  I've done precisely that and have crashed and burned.  Spectacularly, I should add.  Seriously, I should just go full Costanza and do the exact opposite of my instincts and see how that works out.  I could probably look like a freaking genius.  What'cha think about that?
-- The Scholar


Dear Dove Chocolate,
Really?  What's with the "good enough" bullshit all of a sudden?  You know that, at this point, I'd kill for passing grades, right?  Not superlative grades, just passing grades.  Got me? I am failing. I'm dying here.
-- The Scholar
 


Dear Dove Chocolate,
Now you're just screwing with me, right?  It's so dark, I can't see shit.  I'm in a cave that's wrapped up in a blanket that's been put in a box and buried.  It is dark, dark, dark.  You read me?  You get it, chocolate wrapper?
--The Scholar



Dear Dove Chocolate,
 What are you talking about?  Who said anything about singing?  Are you screwing with me?  Have you been listening to me sing?  Should I sing my answers during my exam?  WTF?
--The Scholar



Dear Dove Chocolate,
Are you referencing Lee Ann Womack lyrics now?  I'm starting to feel like you're nothing more than random quotes jotted down by members of Ellen's studio audience and slapped inside chocolate wrappers.  Hell, fortune cookies make more sense that you and they suck.  You know what, Dove Chocolate?  Screw you; we're done.  It's only 9a.m. but I'm gonna start drinking.  Thanks for nothing, prick.
--The Scholar
 

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Do I Even Belong Here?

Royal Tenenbaum: That's just not right, damn it.  You used to be a genius.

Margot Tenenbaum: No I didn't.

Royal Tenenbaum: Well, anyway, that's what they used to say.
From Wes Anderson's "The Royal Tenenbaums"
Another tough week in the bag and I am damned sure not going to be earning honors in any of my classes.  If I can't improve my performance, the only thing I'll be earning is a bus ticket back home.  What the hell, man, I'm not even halfway through the semester and I'm feeling like I'm running on empty, on fumes.  I'm burned out and tired of not passing exams.

Shit, I'm tempted to host a coloring exam where all anyone has to do is take a single crayon and color in a giant rectangle.  That's it, just fill in a rectangle with a crayon and, hell, just stay mostly in the lines.  Do it and you pass.  Bingo.  A+.  Honors.  Ticker-tape parade.  Confetti.  Bells.  Whistles.  Bullshit.

Last week, during a four day weekend.  I took about 8 hours to myself excluding the hours I slept, of course.  On average, I've been getting about 5 and a half hours of sleep a night.  I've lived in a study room on campus, coming to my apartment only to sleep.  I knew that yesterday's exams would be a challenge.  Hell, no matter how you approach it, Neuroscience is tough stuff; it's amazing but tough.  Immunology, too.  And OMM.  And Pharmacology.  All told, though, I didn't expect another "O-fer" day.  "O-fer" as in I was zero for four on passing anything.  Here's the best part:  I was absolutely sure that I was going to rock my Pharmacology exam.  Absolutely effing positive.  When I'd answered all the questions, I clicked the proceed button, saw that I'd failed miserably, and felt my countenance morph from a smarmy, shit-eating grin to a stunned, distant look of shock.

I hate working my ass off and feeling like I'm just spinning my wheels and getting nowhere.  Still, I keep attempting to get up, dust myself off, and dive back into the fray.  That being said, it sure would be nice to have some sort of a win in the near future; I hate feeling like a big bag o' fail.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Shopping Habits of the Overly Stressed Medical Student

Pretty good summary of consumption as the next round of tests approaches.

Caffeine, dark chocolate, energy shots, and antacids.  
Missing: diaper.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Evolution of THE Man

In honor of Charles Darwin's 201st birthday on the February 12th, we held a few celebratory events at school.  In addition to the scavenger hunt and a lecture that touch on a few evolutionary adaptations in human anatomy, we had a cake baking / decorating contest.  I managed to take home the prize for most creative with my "Evolution of The Man" entry.

For some, Burt's face on a cupcake is a good weight management strategy.
Others end up with cake in their lap.

Although few people saw me bring them in or set them up, most everyone knew within a second that I'd brought them.  What's best is that my anatomy prof quickly (and without provocation) quoted a line from "Deliverance" that didn't involve Ned Beatty, mouths, or squealing.  It was bliss.

One younger classmate, however, remarked that he thought "Kurt Russell" look pretty strange after all the years and surgeries.  I told him to put down the cupcake, get the hell away from me, and never to confuse Russell with Burt Reynolds ever, ever again.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I Have a New Nephew

My sister finally had her baby boy!  For the fourth time, I'm an uncle.  This is, however, the first grandchild on my side of the family.  And, really, it's pretty special when your sibling has a child.  Throughout her pregnancy, we chatted about a ton of stuff related to her health and to the approaching delivery.  So, we were pretty frank about things because it sort of went along with some of the development and other things that we learned during the semester.  That being said, however, I was unprepared to be scrolling through photos that she'd sent and seeing her breastfeeding.  Seriously, could've used a heads up on that one guys.  You cannot unsee certain things, like your sisters' boob for example.  Pictures of the little man to follow.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Could've Done Without That

Our winter formal was last night.  As Winning Run was not here with me, I had been dead set on not attending but ended up going with a group of friends.  After showering and shaving, I grabbed a suit and went to get dressed.  Evidently, I put on (and am still carrying) holiday weight because I could barely get the pants buttoned.  Mind you, this suit and my gut provided three labors as penance for my holiday gluttony: an inside button, a metal clasp, and an outside button.

I blew out all my breath, sucked in my belly, and prepared for battle.  Somewhere in the process of getting the pants on, I managed to slice the hell out of my finger on the metal clasp.  Luckily, the blood only started gushing out after I'd got the pants buttoned and zipped.  It's the little victories in life, you know.

The most dangerous thing in my pants.

So, at several points during the night, I had the pleasure of explaining that I cut my finger while putting on my pants because I'm a fatass.  Can't wait to get back in the gym.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

I Am Unqualified to Brew Coffee

Evidently, the stress and fatigue of the semester is starting.  As is my routine, I prep my coffee maker before going to bed and set the automatically brew a little earlier than my alarm.  Call me a Folger's commercial but I love waking to the smell of freshly-brewed coffee.  So, I hit the snooze button a few times and really noticed the amazingly fragrant coffee aroma wafting into my bedroom.  Still hazy from sleep, I clumsily made my way into the kitchen and turned on the light.

"What the hell is that brown towel on the floor?," I asked myself aloud.  A moment later, I noticed that the same "brown towel" was curled on the counter and snaked down the cabinets to the floor. Finally, my brain caught up with what I was seeing and confirmed that it was, indeed, not a towel but my morning cups of joe.  "Nice job, idiot," I said to myself.

I can understand not putting the coffee put all the way under the brewing basket or something to make it spill out.  My coffee pot was 5 feet away, in the dishwasher.  How the hell am I going to survive being on call?