On To The Next One

Week Two is in the books and what an eventful one it was.  Again, it has been another week where the pendulum moves from the crushing stress of new classes to amazingly distasteful jokes in anatomy lab.  I feel like the clock has been tightly wound and, as a result, is flying by now only to slow down at the end of the semester.

My Bamba Surfs Internet Porn In My Dream

Earlier this week, I had a dream that I walked in on my grandmother surfing porn on the internet.  As would be the case with most grandparents, she got a little flustered when she couldn’t close the browser.  In fact, it took her a ridiculously long time to close it down.  All the while, she’s saying stereotypical grandmotherly things like “Oh Dear” or “My Goodness” or “I Was Just Looking for Recipes,” simultaneously fumbling with the mouse, and clicking errantly all over the screen before becoming hysterical with laughter at herself.  After looking away for as long as I could and trying to maintain the illusion of normalcy, I spent about ten minutes teaching her how to quickly close windows on her computer by simultaneously pressing the Alt and F4 keys.  She was grateful.

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me that my dear Bamba is surfing porn in my dreams instead of me?

Dissecting the Va-Jay-Jay Is Tougher Than You Might Think

For this section of Gross Anatomy, I'm paired with a few of my good female friends. Needless to say, they make ridiculously inappropriate comments that have me swallowing my laughter and trying as hard as I can to keep it together.  This week, we had the pleasures of dissecting the Urogential Triangle on our female cadaver.  Being the only male in the dissecting team, they tried to make me blush a few times.  At one point during the dissection, they called one professor over to help identify a landmark on the external genitalia.  When he took a moment, one of the gals, J, says to him in a complete deadpan, "I thought you were pretty familiar with the vagina."  He waited a beat and came back with, "I usually have the lights off."

The next challenge came when we attempted to identify the crus of the clitoris, a tissue synonymous with the corpora cavernosa - an erectile tissue.  As the name might imply, there is a relationship with the clitoris.

 

To locate this tissue, one can use the clitoris as a landmark and, then, dissect laterally from it to locate the crus.  After some confusion on locating the "big C," I told the team how great it was that it wasn't only men who had a tough time finding it.  Apparently, the gauntlet was thrown because they challenged me to find it really quickly.  Without missing a beat, I told them to give me some room because I was going to have to climb on the table and get my face down there.  Our laughter prompted the professor to return and ask us what was going on.  Just being inappropriate and trying to earn low marks on respectfulness, I assured him.  Sometimes, dark humor is just what you need to get you through a situation.

Immunization Certification:  Epic Fail

This morning, I attempted to get a certification for giving immunizations.  The course was mandatory for second-year students and optional for us lowly first years.  Although I didn't really expect to pass the damned thing, I thought of it as a free play:  throw it up in the end-zone and maybe someone would come down with it.  After all, it had a lot of material from a class that I've not even taken at this point.

Let's just say that I'm pretty sure that I can deliver an IM or SQ injection but, obviously, have not memorized the vaccination schedule as required to successfully pass the test.  Luckily, I only spent a couple of hours studying for it.  Out of the approximately 90 people who showed up to take the exam, only a handful of people passed the exam and advanced to the practical side of giving injections.  Evidently, at this point, if a 13-year-old walked in a provided a list of the vaccines that she'd received at 6 months, 12 months, and 6 years old, I would be unable to determine from memory what vaccines to give her.  Although I failed the exam, I scored as well as many of the second year students (and better than a few).  That being said, if the pass rate for an exam is ridiculously low, maybe all of the blame doesn't belong on the students.  Just a thought.