Monday, March 26, 2007

How 'Bout Them (Horse) Apples?

This evening, I had to do an "out-of-class" swim. Essentially, the instructor takes a day off from class and we have to do the workout at an odd time. Usually, we try to stick to the class schedule and get it out of the way. Last week's Orgo test prevented it.

So, me and another guy in the class meet to swim this afternoon. Little did we know we'd be the oldest ones in the pool. It was kiddie swim day. Between laps, I'd take a look at all the kids learning to swim. I bet the oldest kid in there was maybe four. They were killing it! Splashing around, having a great time, swimming with better techniques than I use.

"Damn, they're cute," I'd think before swimming some more. When I finished my swim, I walked into the locker room intent on a quick rinse before heading home to study.

Two steps toward the shower, I thought I saw some dirt. Then, I thought I smelled some poop.

"Certainly, I'm not seeing this, am I?," I asked myself aloud. I leaned in for a closer look. "Son of a bitch," I say, "it is poop." I stopped and stared at it, not believing what I was seeing.

Either some kid had dropped a deuce in the shower or a tiny horse had gotten into the locker room or this was some prank. Either way, the shower was littered with tiny, stinky turds. Further inspection revealed neither a tiny pony or Ashton Kutcher. It was a kid. (FYI - If the med school thing goes bust, I can fall back on my awesome skills as a private detective.)

This is crap. In the shower. Left by adorable little defecators.

Suddenly, those adorable kids weren't so damned cute; they were living containers for tiny little bowels packed with feces and tiny little bladders filled with urine, all ready to discharge anywhere with no notice.

Then, I thought about all the pool water that had gotten in my mouth during my swim.

Hours later, I'm wondering what will kill the taste of the chlorine bleach. Just for the record, stick to Listerine or something. Never bleach.

No comments: