I Can Make Seconds Feel Hours

It seems that my song was playing and Lady Destiny was calling me out onto the floor to dance the "New Haven Bullshit Two-Step." I've been busting my ass all week long to get drafts of materials out for review prior to leaving the project. Today, I had a meeting with the C.O.O. (to whom I directly report) and the departmental Vice Presidents. Honestly, I've been dreading this damned thing since the meeting invitation hit my inbox. I had a sneaking suspicion of how it would go and, boy, was I ever right. Here's the summary of what the VPs said (I paraphrase, of course):

The materials look great; they're so much better than what we have. (Queue foreboding music.) But, we just don't have the time to update the materials; it's too much work for us to review it, plan our exercises, and use this stuff. Oh sure, we'll use it in the future but right now, we just don't have the time to do it.

Okay, thanks very much (for your company's money, you bunch of whiney-assed sissies). I love, love, love to hear sob stories about how hard people work, about how much time they spend on bullshit, about how they're too stinking busy to use the very thing that will help remove some of the unbearable burden of time-consuming work. I find it hard to take that with a looming implementation date they're unwilling to step up to the plate and do what it takes to make it successful. If that's their attitude, I'm done with killing myself to make a golden egg out of the turd they gave me. Instead, I'll just pick out the corn and give it back to them.

I took the afternoon off and went to a movie.

Home Run Derby

Not too much to do in the old hotel except for watch TV. Naturally, I watched the home run derby last night. I was as awed by Josh Hamilton's shots into the stratosphere as I was annoyed by Chris Berman's self-serving yapping.

(Sigh.)

My Time in New Heaven Nears The End

I've been unable to write much in the last month or two because I've been, well, what's the word for it? Oh yes, gainfully employed. As much as I hate to leave the title, "Man of Leisure," I need to start helping to pay the mortgage, you know? The point is that my consulting assignment has keep me ridiculously busy and, frequently, out-of-town at my client's site.

During my time as a road warrior, here are a few things I've noticed, learned, discovered:

• Inexperienced travellers in the airport annoy me. How about this: instead of complaining for 5 minutes to the TSA worker about how "gross" it is to walk across a floor in your bare feet, just suck it up and walk the twelve feet to get through the security checkpoint. Everybody has to take off their shoes, everybody. Deal with it.
• Working in a cubicle with no phone is bliss.
• Some older middle age men just can't wait to get home from the office before rubbing one out. Seriously, if you're going to punch the munchkin at work (and I don't think you should), at least thoroughly clean up. Seriously, they don't pay me enough to walk into a restroom and discover this sort of shit. Needless to say, I've stayed the hell away from the toilets.
• Frank Pepe really does make the best pizza I've ever tasted. Tomato pie!
• I've developed a new nerd crush (me, not her) on Sarah Vowell. If you haven't picked up Assassination Vacation, The Partly Cloudy Patriot, Take the Cannoli, or The Wordy Shipmates, go get them. She's smart, funny, and down-to-earth.
• If you're the only person on the Hertz rental car shuttle from the airport, the driver will make announcements as though the bus is completely full. This will be the case even if the driver recognizes you from previous visits and even if the two of you chat on the ride to the lot.

I could go on and on and on. Instead, I'm going to go to sleep. This week is my last week on-site here in New Heaven. After that, I'll be back at home with slightly more time on my hands to do things like, I don't know, write blog entries, take photos, sleep in my own bed. You know, the good stuff. More later.

(New) Heaven

I've finally recovered from a week on the road. I must say that traveling for business from Monday through Friday isn't something for which I have a ton of enthusiasm. Personally, I find it to be a lonely existence that uproots you from everything in your life.

I find that after a few days on the road, I'm thrown into an existential crisis. I have a ton of trouble reconciling the need for money and the need for fulfillment. These episodes always seem to end with me silently repeating a mantra that touches on my true aspirations, places the consulting work into a larger perspective, and somehow tells me to suck it up.

On these particular trips, I blame it on the building in which I do most of my work.

Let me see your Tootsie Roll(s).

From a distance, the building doesn't look that bad. Inside, however, it's a different story. I've yet to feel at ease when inside it. Maybe it's the fact that the only water in the building is run up one of the four "towers" on the corners. This translates into the bathrooms being placed in a semi-circle with the toilets on the narrowest part. Freaky.

One of the strangest things about the building has to be the elevators: Prior to entering the elevator, you punch in your desired floor number on a keypad. This keypad tells you which elevator to ride. The elevator comes, you get in it, and note the absence of any floor buttons. When I'm in the elevator, I fully expect to hear HAL telling me why he can't let me go to the lobby and leave the building. Anyway, it's very strange.

Punch in the floor number on the futuristic keypad.

Wait for the assigned elevator.

Panic because you're a prisoner inside a golden, metal box.

Anywho, my point is that although the people are generally friendly, the building creeps me out a little.

Ultimately, this ends with me alone in my hotel room after having dinner with strangers. If there is a particularly touching documentary on HBO*, for example, my final act before bedtime will be crying like a baby at the beauty of the human experience.

*I defy you not to weep openly while watching "Hear and Now."