Harry Potter and the Chamber of Unfulfilled Potential

Last night over beers with some friends from school, we somehow started talking about Harry Potter. Many at the table were eagerly anticipating the release of the final book and the next film in the series. I let everyone know that I had the inside scoop on what happens to Harry. I'll share with you what I told them:

Harry gets the Weasley girl pregnant and drops out of Hogwarts to take a job slinging burgers at a fast-food place in Diagon Alley. Occasionally, Voldemort visits the establishment to harass his once-powerful nemesis. Harry chokes back his anger during these infrequent visits. Each time as Voldemort leaves, Harry whispers "I'm Harry Potter, a very powerful wizard. I am the one." And each time, Harry's manager always yells at him to get back to work because "this ain't no fancy quiddich match, 'ere." In the evenings, Harry is emotionally distant and attempts to drown his sorrow in Butter Beer.

We all shared a good laugh and the conversation moved on to other topics. About five minutes later, one of my classmates yelled "That would never happen! They're wizards, they have contraceptive spells!"

"Fertilization renuncio!"

We all agreed. Then for the next ten minutes sat around randomly yelling spells and making wand motions to cast them. Overheard:

• "Fertilization renuncio!"
  
• "Spermato retreato!"
• "Zygotus obliteratus"
• "Abortivo levioso"
• "Coitus interruptus!"