The Last Stand
One of my lab partners saw the latest X-Men movie, which I still haven't seen. She thought it would be pretty cool if everyone had mutant powers. During lab, she decided that maybe her mutation would be an uncanny ability to determine the number of atoms in any substance. Her name: Avogadro.
That led to the other two of us determining our special powers and choosing names. I'm also working with Balancea, gifted with the ability to accurately measure substances to within 0.00001 of a gram. I'm Pipetto (/pI-'pet-'O/), able to use a pipette to deliver specific amounts of liquid with ridiculous precision.
Sure, it's a pretty limited set of powers but if it ever goes down in the lab, you can bet that we'll kick some ass and take some names.
(I feel really bad about myself.)
Nacho
J3K bought tix to an advanced screening last night. I even plunked down the $75 for a large Sprite and large popcorn. After noticing the "Free Refills* On Large Drinks and Popcorn" sign, I thought it would be a good value, you know. So, we're sitting in the theater packed to the brim with a whopping 12 people and just shoving handfuls of popcorn into our mouths. We finished the large bag in about 5 minutes. I ran, at full speed, to the concession for a refill.
Quick tip: When sprinting down the darkened hall in a theater, it's important to note where the door is located. At this particular screen, the door wasn't, in fact, at the end of the hall but on the side. This detail defeated my strategy of blasting through the door with tremendous velocity. At full speed, I could neither turn right to exit the door or stop before hitting the wall. I almost Roethlisbergered myself. Luckily, the wall was carpeted with a musty carpet. It reminded me of the carpeted walls at old skating rinks. It tasted as bad as it smelled. I might have a small rug burn on my face and shoulders.
Dazed from my stunning impact, I made it to the concession and got the free refill. Ten minutes later, when I went back for another, the teen working the counter politely pointed out the small print on the refill sign: One per visit. Come on!
Which brings me back to the movie... It was awful. Seriously, I made it about 20 minutes into the movie before I walked out to go find a Galaga machine. Here's the insult to injury: I had to play Millipede. Millipede! Come on! Finally, I took a short nap on a bench in the lobby until J3K, Beth, and Heather walked out which was about 20 minutes after I bailed. What a disappointment.
Nacho Terrible joins these other fine films on the "I Cannot Believe I Wasted My Money and These Precious Moments of My Life On This Piece of $#@&" list:
- Mad Love (1995) - Chris O'Donnel and Drew Barrymore in this steaming turd of a film. Worst part was that I knew it was going to be a bad movie but my date made me go see it. And I paid for the tickets. Mad Love? I was beyond mad.
- Chasing Amy (1997) - I think people are evenly divided on this one. Personally, I thought the acting and direction were terrible. Really, were any of the characters likeable? I really like some of Kevin Smith's other work but this one was terrible. The breaking point: the scene where she's in the parking lot after a hockey game and is just yelling and yelling and crying and yelling. What a terrible attempt at emoting. Seriously, it grated on my last nerve. I set a timer on my watch and decided that if she was yelling at the end of the 30 seconds, I was walking out. She stopped with 2 seconds left. Still should've walked out.
- The Matrix 2: Revolting (2003) - I can't recall the actual dopey name of this one. I loved the part where they inserted the Lenny Kravitz "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" music video into the middle of the film. I got a little freaked out when, during the love scene, I thought I was admiring a woman's body. Camera zooms in and it's Keanu! What??? Terrible. Just terrible. Kudos to the Wachowski brothers for screwing up their original idea in the name of money.
- Mission: Improbable 2 (2000) - My mission: Make it through the movie without laughing hysterically. Couldn't do it. Here's what you get when John Woo directs: softly lit shots of candles in a church just before people start shooting in slow motion while leaping and shooting the pistols they're grippin in each hand. The continuity errors on the motorcycle scenes were awesome. How do tires automatically change from street treads to off-road knobbies? How do you leap over the front of a motorcycle going about 80mph and hit someone in mid-air and live to survive it? Never could buy into it and this was before Cruise was officially batshit crazy.
Just wanted to take a moment to mourn the passing of an old friend.
Since 1988, my trusty Radio Shack calculator has been there with me.
We used to go cruising Bellwood Connector with all the crazy high school kids back in the day. In 1989, we spent an awesome summer down in Valdosta at the Governor's Honors Program. We were growing up together, working out life's problems as a team.
We had some crazy times during our college years, believe me! One night, not long after it had broken up with a slide ruler, it got really drunk on Jaegermeister and started hitting on this guy's girlfriend right in front of him. Man, I had to get us out of a jam on that one.
It was a hard worker. It really put in some hours during my study abroad in Mexico. Hell, it even got my Best Man through medical school.
The last several years were the lean one. It's buttons were pretty worn and its display a little fuzzy. Simple calculations took forever. Whenever we'd go for a spin, it was usually slow and the M+ sign would be blinking the entire time. I didn't mind though.
I'll miss the cute way that part of the 8 was missing so that you really couldn't tell if it was an 8 or a six or something. I'll always remember those times we shared figuring complex equations and the way that it displayed 7734 upside down.
It's tough to watch someone you love get old. I know it's in a better place, though.
I'll miss you old friend.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment