I Am Nuts

I turned in my final yesterday. Now, I just wait a few days to learn the grade and confirm that I kept my A. Hopefully, I didn't screw it up. I don't think that I did but it's always a possibility.

Last night, I had a terrible bout of insomnia. I woke at 2 a.m. and just lay there in bed for two hours. At 4 a.m., I got up, came into the office, sent a few emails, and just surfed the net for a while. When I finally went to sleep at 6:30 a.m., I had the pleasure of dreaming the following:

I'm in the middle of some sort of competition being held on Peachtree Street in downtown Atlanta. Honestly, I'm not sure what the contest was about but I know that my two teammates and I had to get stuff out of the back of a pickup truck. I should probably mention that my two teammates were supermodels. Anyway, me and one teammate were standing outside the truck while the other would wrestle with the opposing team for items in the bed of the truck. When the first teammate got an item, she would hand it to teammate who would run it to a checkpoint about 50 yards away and then come back to the truck for the next item. My job: spray them down with a water hose!!! (Seriously, it was a beer commercial without any beer in it.)

Thing were going well, if a bit odd, until Star Frickin' Jones shows up. Like she apparently is in reality, she was a real queen bitch in my dream. She kept complaining about not having a job, bad-mouthing Baba Wawa, and talking up these other projects she had in the works. She was terribly annoying.

Any version of Star Jones is a bad one.

When the competition ended, I was returning home to my in-laws' mountain house. I walked into the newly renovated kitchen complete with built-in handwashing stations. Not just sinks, mind you, but special areas only for washing your hands. I was happy to be home and was looking forward to doing some studying. I went to take a nap because, evidently, hosing down supermodels is tough work. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep because someone was playing some new age music really loudly. I get off of the sofa and go to investigate. Imagine my surprise when it was none other than the new live-in house guest, Star Jones! I was floored. She was terribly inconsiderate and unapologetic, a pure diva. At that point, I notice that her things, including her new project, were spread all over the house.

Upon investigating, I learn that her new project was a Star Jones board game loosely modeled after Harry Potter. The playing board was purple and featured cartoonish caricatures of her, Brooke Shields, and Tom Selleck. I thought it was pretty dumb concept for a game. It seemed about as overly complicated as the E.T. game I had as a kid. Even so, it looked like the worst game ever. I left Star Jones and her board game project to go make a salad and take a nap.

A much better board game than Star's.
(Even without Shields and Selleck.)

I am nuts.